thoughts

So of course I can't sleep these days and a ton of stuff runs through my mind. In my head I start writing a blog post and of course when I wake up I can't remember what I was going to say in that post.
 I do know that I was thinking a lot about whether or not to be induced. It is such a hard decision to make. With Easton I wasn't technically induced but according to my new doctor I was. See you see I was having regular contraction and when I got to the hospital I stalled out and they weren't super regular. So when the doctor came in he just broke my water and it was go time from there. It was a good thing because I had calcium deposits on my placenta. Easton was 5 lbs 10 oz about 10 days early.
   With Gabe I chose to be started. I got there about 9am and they started me on pit and I had to sit and wait and wait and wait. I didn't love that part. I felt like I was on the dr. time frame and that didn't fly with me. Finally when it was convenient for him he came in and broke my water. The nurse asked if I wanted the anesthesiologist to come in yet and I said no (big mistake) when I was ready I had to wait he was with other patients and I had to wait for my dang nurse to push fluids before he could give me an epi. It sucked! By the time he got there my contractions were really strong and hurt pretty bad. The whole time he was putting in the epidural I was have intense contraction. It is a good thing my Mom is a  L & D nurse because she was the best labor coach. Anyway, once he got the epidural in it only worked on one side so they had me roll to my left, then my blood pressure dropped and he had to give me some meds to get it back up. Then finally he pulled the epidural our a tiny bit and it finally went to both sides. By that time I pretty much dilated to a 10. Needless to say it wasn't the best experience for me. So with this one I really didn't want to be started. I am so over being pregnant though and my mom and dad have to drive 2 1/2 to get here to be with me, and I WANT my mom to be there with me. Zac's dad and his wife are coming on the 24th and the doctor said would start me on the 22nd. I just don't know what to do. I kinda feel like my doctor is pushing me to be induced. He kept saying things like you could go  into Oct if I don't start you. Well my due date is on the 27th so ya there is a slight chance I might go into Oct. If that does happen then start me. Is he just trying to scare me or something? He also asked me what I had against being induced. I was like nothing I just want to do it on my own. He was like you will do it on your own it will be your own labor. He was saying he could start 4 different people the same day and they all have different labor. Well duh! This is a really hard decision to make. I think the reason I have such a hard time is because I feel like I am messing a little with fate. I know it probably doesn't make much of a difference but somehow I feel like he will come when he is ready and that maybe that the day I choose isn't supposed to be his birthday. I know sounds lame but I still think about it. I am not sure 1 week will make much of a difference on if he is done cooking or not. I think he will come out fine no matter what day he comes from here on out. So everyone just pray that he comes on his own before the day they want to start me.